A Fulfilling Life!

Some weeks back I received an email (a group mail) from Peter Bregman. He is an active blogger in the HBR blog circuit. He had written to some people (those who had commented on his previous blog entries, I assume) informing them about his new blog entry titled "Three Questions that Help Me Live a Fulfilling Life”. The blog entry can be accessed on the following link:

http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/08/three-questions-that-help-me-l.html

Having been personally invited to read this post ( J ), I felt obliged to go through it. I was intrigued by some of the points he had made. I wrote back to him, and also posted my comments on his blog.

Enclosed below is my email to him.

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Dear Peter,

Thanks for sharing your post titled "Three Questions that Help me Live a Fulfilling Life."

I am from the eastern part of the world, where it is usually believed that 'time is circular' - it always comes back.

I have often seen this manifested in the way we approach life. The environment and the individual do both have a role to play in the life of the individual - but there is a belief that the environment has a larger influence on one's life.

One of the ways this manifests itself is in our belief in the concept of serendipity - let things flow and life would emerge.

I have personally found this concept of serendipity and flow enticing, but over time i have also realized that this leads to a situation where the individual is a passive recipient in the process. He is not playing an active role in creating and shaping his surroundings.

I believe that we should not be overtly compulsive about controlling our environment and ourselves. At the same i don't relate to the belief that we should be passive recipients - letting things flow, or emerge.

There should be enough structure for there to be a direction, at the same time there should be enough space to flow.

The only part i felt was missing from your piece was the dreams we have. Dreams are not necessarily limited to 1 year time frame. May be we can look at a structure of "what do i plan to do in the next 1 year to give wings to my dreams."

Thanks for sharing your post. I enjoyed reading it.

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Most of the readers of this post would be from the eastern part of the world, like me. J. What’s your view about Peter’s post?

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Sourav

Why will I Blog?

When Sourav gave me this offer I was really intrigued. Me and blog...no way! already am seen to be a man of few words (and sometimes few actions also :-) ). So as is the intent behind the thought laboratory, why would anybody want to blog?
Any thoughts....?

A Rising Tide!

“When the water level rises, all that is floating rises too!”

I have been going through my posts over the last few months.

There has a been a question on my mind “Is there a pattern to what I am writing about?”. I realize that there are patterns.

I am writing frequently about:

• human behaviour and the assumptions, beliefs, values, and feelings that underlie it.
• how we influence and are influenced by the institutions, structures, and processes that we co-exist with both at and outside work

But is that all? Does it just end with understanding?

It also strikes me that I have been writing with a view to finding alternative courses of action that result in both we, human beings, living a life of fulfillment and institutions excelling in their results.

We don’t exist in a vacuum. Our institutions, structures, and processes would remain. We can live a life without them or we can live a life enmeshed with them – a space where each impacts and shapes the other in search of fulfillment/excellence/perfection.

I have a visual!

Visualize you are standing at the edge of a stream. Look at its surroundings. Hear the noise of the flowing water. Observe the colour of the water, and the speed at which the water is flowing. Look at the boats on the river – whose on them, what are they doing? Observe the stream as it meanders through its surroundings.

Now visualize that suddenly there seems to be more water flowing in. The river is slowly breaking its banks. You are walking back; else you would be swept away. The water is flowing much faster now. The water level is rising fast. But hold on – you still see the boats on the river. Because of the growing expanse of the river, the boats now have more space to meander around in.

If the water level were to be our sense of fulfillment/excellence/perfection in our lives, I am trying to search for solutions that raise the level of water in the river continuously.

Who benefits? All the “boats” in our social milieu benefit – you, me, our friends, institutions, processes, and structures, all move towards perfection, fulfillment, and achievement.

So I would focus this space towards this end.

But then would the name “Talk the Walk” be descriptive enough?

Writing inspires reflection!

Reflection inspires ideas!

What would we call a space where we explore ideas? “The Thought Laboratory” appeals to me!

So here goes a small but significant change in my blog – “Talk the Walk” has retreated while “The Thought Laboratory” has emerged.

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Sourav

Definitions of Growth!

“Am I growing here? I am doing well but the structural constraints here are hampering my growth. There are no vacant positions in the hierarchical level above.”

“He has spent significant time with us and has been performing consistently well. He must have career aspirations. It is probably time for us to start working on his development.”

“Who are our stars? What are we doing for their development?”

How often do we hear these statements at work? I do hear them quite a bit, if not often.

It makes me wonder about the assumption/belief behind these statements. “Growth is only, or mostly, about vertical movement up in the hierarchy.”

How does this belief get manifested at the workplace? Some obvious manifestations are:

• We work on the development of subordinates when we feel it is time for us to consider him/her for a higher order role (note: a higher order role also necessarily connotes a vertical movement up the hierarchy. Other possible definitions of higher order role don’t seem to be considered).
• When it comes to our careers, we wonder about what’s next for us (and what is next for us is usually a “higher order role” or a role which prepares us for a “higher order role” – a career road map we call it!).

There are other manifestations too – the absences!

• As managers, do we work on the development of subordinates who we are not considering for a vertical movement up at this point of time? If the only definition of growth is a vertical movement up, and I am not considering someone for such a movement at this point of time, I surely should not be working on his growth/development, right?
• As individuals do we consistently indulge in a reflection process on what areas we need to work on and go about working on them even after just getting promoted or in the first few years in a “higher order role”?

What kind of a social system are we giving rise to if the only definition of success and failure is our ability to continuously grow vertically up in this pyramid?

If there are few definition of success, and we make that definition scarcely available, then most of the people in the system would feel like failures. What kind of energy would exist in that kind of a system?

Let me give you a few analogies. Till about a few decades back, in India, becoming an engineer or a doctor was the scale on which success or failure was determined. Today we seem to have many more acceptable definitions – look at the sprout of high achieving professional in fine arts, commerce, business, etc. Along with the growth of income, one of the major growths for India has been its ability to broaden the definitions on which success or failure is determined. We can always argue whether we have become more materialistic, but then atleast we have more ways in which people can become materialistic. It enables us to create a social system where there are much more success stories.

What do we do when we come across as a social system where we find that the definitions of success are limited? I feel we should start with widening the definitions of success and then enabling people to be successful– but this is easier said than done. We are talking of questioning people’s beliefs here! But then, someone’s got to make a start. Why can’t that someone be us?

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Sourav

Differences!

Often when working with and through people, there are disagreements.

How does one ensure movement in situations characterized by disagreement and/or conflict?

Who should change/accommodate and to what extent?

• Should each party just stick to their guns and expect the other party to move?
• Should one party agree completely to what the other party says?
• Should both parties compromise – make some concessions for the sake of movement?
• Should both parties sit and figure out a new solution – one that is acceptable to both?
• Should the parties just let the disagreement brew – “the no movement option”?

Wait a minute! Am I asking the wrong first question?

The first question probably is “When is it that disagreements become intractable or really difficult to reconcile?”.

The answer to this question would probably give us cues on strategies to move ahead in different situations.

I have found that:

• disagreements in means (how, when, and where) can be easily reconciled.
• disagreements in intent (why, and what) are much more difficult to reconcile.

When the disagreement is on intent, initial discussions have to be on “What is important to you (the other party) and why? What do you feel about what I am proposing and why?”.

Once an agreement on intent has been reached, means can be figured out. In situations of “agreement on intent” you can even live for sometime with disagreement on means.

The next time you strongly disagree with someone or vice-versa, take a moment to think whether the disagreement is about intent or means.

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Sourav

Feelings!

A few weeks back I had written a post titled “Facilitation”. The post was about insights I had gained from facilitating multiple workshops over a two week period.

In this post I explore functional insights I gained during one of these workshops.

This workshop was about people management – what are our responsibilities and challenges when it comes to managing our teams, and what are the effective ways of managing in different situations.

There was an acknowledgement that some areas are greyer than others (disclaimer – most areas around people management are grey J). I would list out a few of these “greyer than grey” areas:

• For a given position, what do we hire for? A related debate is about what is trainable and what is not. I have often found that the more relevant question is – what is a manager willing to train a new joiner on? The answer to this question determines what we hire a person for.
• How do we go about collating data during an interview? How do we make a hire/no hire judgement at the end of the interview?
• How do you know whether the developmental needs identified are the relevant ones (those that need to be worked on)? How do we work on developmental planning?
• Organizations encourage and reward individual performance (bell curve, etc). How do we ensure collaboration and team work in such a scenario?

There also are some usual flash points – about which everyone has strong opinions. The only problem is that these opinions seem to polarize around seemingly intractable opposites. These include:

• Attitude or Aptitude – what matters more?
• What is the scope of developmental discussions? Should it be offered to everyone or to identified groups/individuals? What is the aim of development?
• Do individuals need intrinsic or extrinsic recognition and to what extent do they need such recognition?

For me the “AHA” moment came during a heated 15 minute period of discussion. A participant said:

“The key is to understand that we, as managers, are an active contributor in a difficult situation. Our actions, to a certain extent, determine the actions/reactions of others too.”

I was intrigued by her observation. I asked her to elaborate further. She added:

“We need to be attuned to our feelings in such situations. The way we react would be determined by the way we feel. If we can identify our feelings, may be we can change our behaviour. That consequently may lead to a chain of fruitful exchanges.”

I experienced a WOW moment when she said this. There was pin-drop silence in the room for about 10 seconds post her observation.

Her point resonated with quite a number of participants. I would jot down some interesting comments I subsequently heard.

• “When someone resigns, our reaction would be determined by how we feel. I feel rejected and that makes me feel a bit angry.”
• “When I try to have a developmental discussion with an individual and he doesn’t respond, I feel exasperated and pushed back. I subsequently stop trying.” Someone else said “But that’s not always true. In such situations I feel incapable and that makes me go back to the individual and try harder. Everyone wants to develop. It is just about tapping the right source of energy.”
• “We are heading a team but we don’t have the final say when it comes to resources or many people related decisions. We are sandwiched somewhere in between. How does that make us feel? Can we acknowledge this reality, our feelings, and still take responsibility for what we say and do?”

Attunement to our feelings in a given situation is the basis for initiating change in our behaviour. When the hand of one extends out to clap, what are the chances that the hand/s of others won’t?

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Sourav

A Beautiful Weather

A bunch of frogs are resting in a garden. The weather is awesome. It is slightly sunny, a bit windy, the temperature is just perfect.

One of them says:

“I spoke to some frogs who had strayed away into other gardens and fields. They say there is so much action and challenge in their lives. It makes me wonder. We are in a perfect state here but should we not also go to other fields and gardens and see what is happening there? What if we were to want to have our presence in those gardens and fields too?”

Other frogs start murmuring in excited tones. The idea does sound good. There soon is a common consensus “Yes, we can do it too!”.

Soon frogs start going out in pairs to explore other gardens and fields. They are at times intrigued and at other times bemused. Sometimes they see things with envy and at other times with disdain.

In a few weeks time, they come back to their home field. A congregation of the different frog pairs is called for.

The congregation members debate about their findings and the way ahead. The discussions continue for hours, and stretch into weeks. A few months pass by and slowly but surely a voice starts emerging: “Look at what we have here. There is abundance of resources. The weather is perfect year long around. In our best estimates, all of this would last atleast for the next few decades. Why should we look at other fields and gardens?”

Another voice adds “The conditions are so favourable here and we have become so good at making these conditions even more suited to our needs. Would we able to do this at other places?”

A third voice emerges “Even if we go to other fields and gardens, the frogs that go there would need to fend for themselves. They can consume from what they produce but they won’t get anything from the produce here. Should we make our lives so difficult?”

Some dissenting voices speak out “But isn’t this field too small. Haven’t things in our lives been stagnant? Does not going to other fields and gardens provide us an opportunity to have excitement and challenges in our lives?”

A thundering voice responds “Why don’t we change the way our present garden and field look like? Maybe we can relook at the arrangement of everything inside? It would bring change. Would it not?”

And so a compromise is reached.

Over a longer period of time, the pattern slowly starts emerging as a script. Every few years, a need is felt to change. Every few years a congregation forms to look and evaluate options. And almost always all that changes is the arrangement and the look and feel of the garden. The garden never changes or grows.”

How does one re-write this script?

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Sourav

Consistency and Precedents

What would you prefer to be called: Consistent or Inconsistent?

What I have usually observed and experienced is that there is a value judgement associated with the words Consistency and Inconsistency.

We would prefer to be called consistent rather than inconsistent.

But what about situations which require responses that are deviations from the past? Should we still hang on to precedents? The answer obviously is a no!

But do we hang on to precedents in such situations? The answer, in many cases, is a yes!.

Why would we do that?

Possibly at times it may be difficult to figure out that the situation is atypical. Hence we provide a typical response.

But let us say that we go ahead and do take the plunge – we do take the atypical decision. And later we were to realize that the way the situation played out was not so atypical. How would others view us then? More importantly how would we view ourselves? Would we view ourselves as inconsistent? How would that make us feel?

In atypical situations we have a choice between being consistent and most probably ineffective, and being inconsistent and most probably effective.

If we choose the first option, then irrespective of the outcome we would atleast be seen as consistent. If we choose the second option, there is a possibility that we are seen both as inconsistent and ineffective.

So what do we choose?

This dilemma maybe at the root of why many of us might be so hung up about sticking to old precedents and not setting new precedents.

Acknowledging this dilemma is the first step in creating “situation appropriate” responses.

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Sourav

Changeovers

“I am leaving!” – the words rung in my ears, my heart skipped a beat, and for a few fleeting seconds I felt I was having a bad dream.

But true it was. Akshat was leaving!

How would it feel dancing in that studio knowing that he would not be there and, in all probability, would never be there again?

I remember Akshat asking us a few years back “Why do you guys come back here to dance? What is it about this place that makes it special? There are a plethora of dance studios on Hill Road? Why do you choose to be here?”

I had answered “I had joined because I wanted some physical activity and dancing is what I have always enjoyed. I had stayed on initially because I saw that you guys focused so much on technique and on working the right muscles. I felt I was growing as a dancer and that made me feel so good. But I am not sure that explains why I have been here for a couple of years and why I have never thought of leaving. What I have found special is when Jaision, Safia, Sakshi, Himanshu, Tanushree, or you speak so passionately about what you guys are doing. The passion rubs off on me. It makes me feel that I am with people who completely believe in what they are doing. That’s special! I am here because of each one of you.“

So how would it feel now, knowing that Akshat would not be around? I got a taste of it last Saturday – Akshat’s last class at this studio.

We were performing while Akshat was sitting in the corner of the studio – dressed up in jeans and a t-shirt. He looked weird – I have known him as a dancer in his loose baggy pants and sleeveless t-shirts.

Arjun – Akshat’s replacement – was trying hard to hold together the attention of the class. I am not sure of the other students but Arjun certainly was not managing to hold my attention. I was distracted. I felt a sense of rejection and I rejected Arjun in return. I murmured “things would not be the same again.”

The class ended, handshakes and hugs were exchanged, some young kids broke down, and I walked out of the studio with a tinge of sadness.

Come Sunday afternoon and I was back in the studio. I thought I had recovered but I clearly had not. I saw Arjun taking the class again. I felt a sense of anger rising up in me. I thought “does he really feel he can take up Akshat’s place?”.

An hour into the class, we were working our triceps. I realized that even in a turned out position, Arjun’s inner things were not locked. I smirked – “technique! yeah right!”.

We slowly got to the pass and then the routine section of the class. I felt a bit switched off. I was struggling in picking up the feeling. I was doing the steps but the flow was missing.

I fell back on my usual defence – observing someone who I could pick up the energy from. Who could help me out now? I looked around. Who is truly feeling and dancing the music?

I found someone, but I was taken back. It was Arjun! Every time the music played you felt he owned the space.

Arjun may not be perfect at technique. Akshat’s lines might be better than Arjun’s. But Arjun has a natural sense for musicality – one of the best I had seen. Put on any kind of music – he just gets into the flow.

Through the remainder of the class I kept on drawing energy from Arjun. The more I performed the less tired and the more energized I felt. I was breathing hard but I was not short of breath. I was perspiring but could dance on and on.

The class ended. I sighed and exclaimed! Why did it have to? But it did!

It was the post class discussion. I looked at Arjun and felt an attachment had been formed. He had made me feel energized to come back to his classes.

An hour later, I was sipping on my evening cup of tea. I wondered “How much of a chance do we give successors when we have been closely attached/associated or have believed in the predecessors? Do we classify differences as bad, or explore differences as possible sources of strength and change?”

What is the message we give to a successor?

• “Prove yourself to me”, or
• “Welcome. I hope you can express yourself completely and I would be non-judgemental enough to provide you with enough opportunities.”

So here it goes - Welcome Arjun! I do look forward to your classes.

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Sourav

Ambition or Reality

Some months back a friend asked:

“Should we base our goals on Ambition (What we want to achieve?) or on Reality (What can we achieve?)?”

His question has stayed with me.

Take a look at the following statements/ phrases.

• Are your recommendations practical?
• Do we have the resources to carry this out?
• Can we take on so much stretch?
• Should we rock the boat now?
• Our enthusiasm should be moderated with doses of reality.
• We must not fail.
• Better be safe than sorry.
• How are the things you are doing, linked to what you want to do?
• Experience makes us wiser. Wisdom brings maturity.

What emotions are you left with?

Now read the following statements/ phrases:

• What is our ambition - what do we want to achieve?
• How do we get to where we want to get to?
• We can succeed.
• Whatever we are doing now, need not have immediate relevance to what we want to achieve.
• Wisdom (may not be the correct word) lies in being able to tackle unique/new situations.

What emotions are you left with now?

I am inclined to declare “Ambition” as the outright winner – the sole cause for all the optimism around the world.

But I realize that multiple world views can be concurrently correct. There would be a set of people for whom “Reality” matters, and then there would be a set for whom “Ambition” matters.

As for me, I believe in creating these tentative boundaries which provide me a structure with which to push the boundaries even further out and the roots even further down.

Reality is limiting – it is de-energizing.

Ambition knows no limits– I find it supremely energizing!

What do you relate to - Reality or Ambition?

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Sourav